For the month of April, I was in a state of pulling hair out of my head (figuratively), ever since I completed applications in December. I slept on the brink of nervousness. I met tens of students on my visits to colleges and sporadically texted these students who were wondering where I was going for college. They texted me back with nothing definitive. I would ask students questions hoping that one of them would create a moment when I would finally make up my mind and decide that college X was superior. But I couldn't. Every college had a mascot, a person who wanted me to go to college Y over college X. People's expectations clouded my judgment. Do I accept the invitation to dinner from a student from college X or start afresh at college Y's swarms of groups? It almost became a battle of who I wanted to let down the least.
Whenever I had thought of the merits of college X, the devil's advocate part of me would rear its horns and gash that argument apart. I wanted the people of college X, but I preferred the academics of college Y. I wanted apples and oranges, but no tree would produce both. I began wishing I hadn't messaged students on Facebook asking whether or not I should go to college Y over college X. Their responses were always thorough and correct, but never biased. I wished they would go on a ten page rant furiously typing "go to college X! College Y sucks!" But it would never happen. The polite, academic part of them surfaced. The students always vouched for their college, whether in tones of rigidity or praise which I could not discern if they were exaggerated.
So now, after a part of the month trying to get off my wait-lists, dozens of exchanges wondering whether or not I should go to college X, Y, or Z, I realize that I should not have been so frantically reaching out to people I had to disappoint and never see again. After years of wearing myself out in panic whether over relationships or grades or college, I realize the truth of the saying that "less is more." I should not have tried so hard, rather I should have been more chill in setting my goals.
